I’ve tried working things out and letting him be a part of me. I have worked with great desperation to make him like me and to make him accept me, but it seems as though that is just not going to work out. He suppresses me and tells me what I should and shouldn’t do. I know in some ways he is supposed to be my conscience and my moral guide, but I feel as though I don’t need him any longer, he is a hindrance to my progress and to my life. He has no appreciation for my talents and holds me back at every opportunity. He even gets between me and my relationships with others. When I am around him I do not know who I am and can not get myself to be open and joyful. This integrated co-existence is killing me and making me a weaker individual. There is more to us than me and him, but sometimes I just have to be me for it to all work, for the sanity of my existence and his. No longer will I hide in the shadow of my socially accepted counter-part, and no longer will I be the scar on his surface.
I am the inner sneaker boy that craves to get out, he is the artist that can not resolve my existence within him. I was once known as “Chris Mitchell”. I am no longer that guy, I am not longer that being. I have grown and it has been years since I have been keyed with that name. I am not “Curt” though, he is the one who is afraid of me and will not let me into his world, so we cannot share the name. I am me, I do not need a name I suppose, I just must be, for the sake of being. We are not one and must not continue to pretend that we belong as one. We must go on living separate lives.