Pulling Away from Fetish

Lately I have been so frustrated with the general fetish community. I am finding very little in fetish that interests me. Defining my feelings about fetish is not helping, its just confusing me even farther. At the moment it feels like my fetishes are just a jumping off point for some of my aesthetic interests. I posted an image of Jake because it was very pleasing to me, as well as erotically “interesting” (interesting, not exciting). I saved several pictures of guys bound, especially in cuffs or rope. I am most turned on by guys in really neat bondage and in good lighting. Perhaps my inner artist is taking over my erotic desires?
I am a very jealous person. I do not like for anyone to “play” with “my” guys. I like being the only one to interact with them, and I am very uncomfortable with others coming in to “my” territory. I can’t seem to get over this whole inferiority thing, even though I understand that at times I am very desirable. I do not like feeling that jealous, so I pull away from people. There are some people who try to force me to be more erotic (or in general, more active) than I really want to be, I push those people away in their entirety instead of telling them my problem. Why? I don’t know, maybe it is just easier being lonely. I never say that my emotions make sense, because they never have. I am unique in a lot of things, most of which are not good.
I used to want fetish friends, but in some ways, it would be nice to have some normal friends for once in my life. Jake is cool enough, I don’t feel pressured to have any type of fetish interaction with him, but I don’t know how to make any other type of friend, so am I screwed?
I don’t want to say that the fetish community thing is beneath me, but I feel like it is not the right direction for my life personally or sexually. I feel that anyone who gets too involved in fetishes or anything erotic will end up placing their entire life into a fantasy that they can not escape. I am sick of feeling like that is where I am going, so I move on, away from fetish and into simply experiencing all that is erotic to me. It is time for a little less conversation and a little more experience.

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